Max Anderson: Private Investigator

[comanderbg]

Name Of Show: Max Anderson
Genere: Crime/Mystery/Supernatural
Rating: TV-MA
Plot: Max Anderson was one of the best known Detectives in the city of Metro Heights, which is sort of like New York...big and rich. Located in the state of Florida. Max Anderson had everything, the American Dream come true...until his wife was murdered in a strange and bizzare case that has been locked up ever since it happened. It has now been three years and Max Anderson is a Private Investigator for hire, luckly he was hired by his old partner, Travis Davis, a street talking cop that looked out for Max like a brother. Ever since the murder happened Max never let it go, he even started drinking one night and ended up in a huge wreck that almost killed two nights after his wife was murdered...he was out for weeks and no one ever thought he'd come back. When he did they were amazed he was alright and with this struck of luck Max was gifted or cured, if you will, with a gift to study the dead, not talk to them, more like looking into their souls and discovering what happened to them and how it happened. He is always assigned to strange and unsolved murders. These are his stories.

[Wild Butterfly]

Interesting.

Can you give us any more information?
What style do you write in? Script/prose?
Casting ideas?
Episode ideas?

[comanderbg]

I write in novel like form. This story is a crime/supernatural drama. In otherwords...he real can see inside his investigations. He can just look into the eyes of a dead victim and see the last thing they saw. Object. Person. Weapon. Whatever...even location to help him solve the case. Of course it's also hard for him to live his private life because so many people don't believe him. Only his friend Travis and boss believe him because they've known him for so long.

[Wild Butterfly]

Okie doke.

Well, the proof is in the pilot - our general rule here at WBP.

If you can write a good pilot for us, we'll decide for sure whether this gets picked up or not. For now, I'll move this thread to consideration.

Good luck!

[Major]

I like this idea, but like WB has said - the proof is in the pilot!

[comanderbg]

Location: Metro Heights, Florida
Scene: Sleazy Motel Room
Time: 9pm

Max Anderson arrived on scene, all he thought was this was just another crime another job.

He had a lot of flashes when he was on the job, but not memoeries...Max was not your regular cop.

Call him a Medium.

Call whatever you like...you're wrong on all counts.

Three Years Ago

Location: Metro Heights, Florida
Scene: Central Park
Time: 12pm

It was just an average sunny day in the most high tech and expensive city known to man.

Max was taking a break from his job at the Metro Heights Police Department, he took his wife, Amanda, out for a nice picnic since it's been a while for them to be on romantic getaways.

Max took her picture in the sun as she smiled, her blond hair blowing in the wind and her blue eyes shining with her smile.

It was perfect for a perfect day...but it started to rain and they had to leave fast in laughter. As they headed home the clouds made it dark and they had to get dry fast, so they headed down an alley and rested under a roofed building.

As Max went inside their apartment moments later, they went to bed for a nice lazy afternoon nap.

But when he woke up...Amanda was gone.

He found her body about two hours later near a gutter by the alleyway.

No traces.

No weapon.

No way of knowing who did it or why.

Max then drove home that night after hitting the bar and crash head first into a tree and his car flipped sideways.

He luckily woke up in a hospital and stayed there for five weeks to heal and discovered he had a strange gift.

Possibly to help him find the man who killed his wife.

PRESENT DAY

Scene: Cheesy Motel

Max knew that was then, this is now...another young woman.

Dead.

Killed in cold blood on her bed, but he discovered she was a call girl after finding a card on the bed next to her body.

She was raped, beaten and had wounds on her head as if someone used a knife to carve a strange star on her forehead.

Max took the $50 dollar bill from her mouth and saw in her eyes a strange black figure, something she last saw...but didn't get a good luck before she was killed.

The room was dark, the lights were busted...the suspect didn't want to be seen.

"So, what did you come up with, Max?" Travis asked as he walked over to him.

Travis Davis was a tall, athletic black man. He's been Max's friend for years since the academy days and never once left his side and was with since the day he was in the hospital.

"Last insult or a myth known to Greeks to pay the farieman to take her to the heavens. You decided." Max said as he handed Travis the bill.

"Damn. Sick, man." Travis said and put the bill into a plastic bag.

"She also has a crucifix craved into her forehead. Sadistic ritual it seems...she was bondaged, tied to the bed and her clothes were slashed from her body leaving small cuts and bruises on her arms and body." Max said as he observed the body.

"What does your sixth sense say?" Travis asked.

"The suspect didn't want to be seen...all she saw before died was a black shadow come down on her. She was already tied up." Max said.

"Too bad you can't see the entire day she had." Travis said.

"Only the last thing they saw before they died." Max said.

"So, we're looking for a shadow?" Travis asked.

"A man. About...6 foot and maybe very athletic toned. That's all I got." Max said.

"Well, let's book it before the CSI team gets here. Janet hates to see you on her scenes." Travis said.

Janet Book was one of the top CSI members and leader, she always came at the scene before Max left and heard rumors he was a psychic.

She found him annoying and in her way.

Max and Travis left the scene.

Location: MHPD
Scene: Max's Office
Time: 9:30pm

Max sat at his desk as he wrote down his report. Lieutenant Rachel Sanchez walked in, she was in charge of him and also worried about his health. Metal and physical.

"Hey, Max. How's it going?" She asked as she fixed her dark hair and Max looked at her.

"Very well, my Spanish fly. How about you? Still want that drink?" He asked her and she smiled at him.

"Maybe some other time. What'd you get on the case?" She asked him.

"Nothing too much. Just a shadow...male. Tall and very athletic." Max said.

"You couldn't see anything else?" Sanchez asked.

"Nothing. But, his eyes...I think they were brown. He looked to be in his mid-30s...clean shaved. Hair may have been dark brown or black. I couldn't tell." Max said.

"I'll see what I can get...in the meantime get some rest and you can look at the body later at the morgue where Dr. Hansen will be waiting for you. She loves your...insight. She'll keep the body fresh for you she said." Sanchez said and chuckled a bit.

"Thanks. Tell my favorite Goth I'll be there." Max said.

"No problem. By the way...are you still doing okay?" Sanchez asked.

"A little. Having Amanda's photo with me helps...a lot. She might be with me, maybe that's how I got my gift." Max said with a smile and Sanchez smiled at him.

"I hope so. Goodnight, Max." She said and walked out of his office.

Max wrote in his journal to update the case he was working on to figure out who he was looking for.

Someone Once Said: Truth Is In The Eye Of The Beholder. I've seen inside the eye, but I haven't seen the truth yet. Max thought to himself as he wrote in his journal.

LOCATION: X-CLUB, METRO HEIGHTS
TIME: 10pm

The club was very popular in this city, it was full of late nighters and the young crowd of the city. Exotic music played in the background of the club, everyone was on the floor dancing to the music's beat.

A man in a black coat walked in, his face was hidden in shadow as he made his way over to the bar and looked at a beautiful young red head that was sitting there.

"Nice outfit." She said as she looked at him with a small smile and he handed her a napkin with a room number.

"I barely know you." She added as she looked at the napkin and he slid her a $50 dollar bill and she smiled.

LOCATION: Metro Heights P.D.

Max walked out of his office for a nice relaxing night at his apartment when front desk's phone rang, he walked over to it and answered it.

"Detective Anderson." He said and listened to the other line.

"On my way." He said and hung the phone up.

LOCATION: Motel 6
Time: 10:23pm

Max arrived at the scene and saw Travis was there with the officers.

"Another homicide. This guy does not take vacations." Travis said as he walked over to Max.

Max walked over to the young girl and saw she was tied to the bedpost just like the last one and he saw her side was cut open.

"Jack The Ripper wannabe." One officer joked.

"Close. But, I'd go with someone who has a grudge against call girls." Max said as he pulled a $50 dollar bill from the girl's mouth.

"Another payment?" Travis asked.

"Or another insult." Max stated and he saw Janet Book walk in.

"Well, look who it is...why am I not suprised?" Janet said.

"I'm leaving. The scene is all yours." Max said.

"Did you touch the body?" Janet asked him.

"No. Have fun." Max said and shook the vision off that he got from the girl.

"Same suspect?" Travis asked Max as they walked out of the room.

"Yeah, same one. We got a Santanic suspect. Her liver was removed...a crucifix was drawn on her cheast in blood. This guy is taking their souls to hell." Max said.

"You scare me at time." Travis said.

END TEASER

[Major]

Okay, there are a few grammatical and spelling errors, but generally, this is good.

I'm not sure if this is enough though; I believe WB would want an entire pilot episode to look over.

But keep it up, this is good!

[Wild Butterfly]

Yup, that's right. I would need an entire episode to see which direction you take things, how the characters progress, etc.

[comanderbg]

MAX ANDERSON: PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR

CREATED BY BRETT GOODSON

PILOT

FADE IN

INT.Metro Heights, Florida - Sleazy Motel Room

TITLE: Time: 9pm

The camera shows MAX ANDERSON arriving at the scene, all he thought was this was just another crime another job.

He had a lot of flashes when he was on the job, but not memories...Max was not your regular cop.

Call him a Medium.

Call whatever you like...you're wrong on all counts.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

TITLE: Three Years Ago

INT. Metro Heights, Florida - Central Park

TITLE: 12pm

The scene opens up as the sun beams down showing MAX and his wife, REBECCA, were having fun at the park, laughing and talking. Kites flying and kids running around having fun on a summer day.

The camera shows MAX taking REBECCA's picture and her protesting with laughter as he did.

The the camera pans around to the streets showing a robbery happening at THE BANK and two THUGS ran off and headed for MAX's car.

MAX ran toward them and the camera follows as he pulled his gun on them.

MAX
(aimed his gun)
Freeze! Police!

The two THUGS pulled their guns and fired and MAX dodged them as he took cover behind the other cars, his wife was worried and came to see.

MAX
(looking at REBECCA)
GET DOWN!

The camera showed her getting shot, her body falling to the ground and MAX yelling out in anger as he turned and fired at the THUGS and watched them fall to the ground, he then spotted a man in a black car pulling away from the heist.

The camera shows MAX holding REBECCA in his arms as he cried.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

TITLE: PRESENT DAY

INT.MOTEL

The camera shows MAX investigating the scene as it was. He knew that was then, this is now...another young woman.

Dead.

Killed in cold blood on her bed.

The camera zooms in on MAX as he discovered she was a call girl after finding a card on the bed next to her body.

MAX
She was raped, beaten and has wounds on her head as if someone used a knife to carve a strange star on her forehead.

The camera zoomed in on the GIRL's mouth as MAX took the $50 dollar bill from her mouth and saw in her eyes a strange black figure, something she last saw...but didn't get a good luck before she was killed.

The camera shows a blurred vision: The room was dark, the lights were busted...the suspect didn't want to be seen.

TRAVIS
(walking toward MAX)
So, what did you come up with, Max?

The camera shows Travis Davis as a tall, athletic black man. He's been Max's friend for years since the academy days and never once left his side and was with since the day he was in the hospital.

MAX
(examining the bill)
Last insult or a myth known to Greeks to pay the farieman to take her to the heavens. You decided.

TRAVIS
(took the bill and put it into a plastic bag)
Damn. Sick, man.

MAX
She also has a crucifix craved into her forehead. Sadistic ritual it seems...she was bondage, tied to the bed and her clothes were slashed from her body leaving small cuts and bruises on her arms and body.

TRAVIS
What does your sixth sense say?

MAX
The suspect didn't want to be seen...all she saw before died was a black shadow that come down on her. She was already tied up.

TRAVIS
Too bad you can't see the entire day she had.

MAX
Only the last thing they saw before they died.

TRAVIS
So, we're looking for a shadow?

MAX
A man. About...6 foot and maybe very athletic toned. That's all I got.

TRAVIS
Well, let's book it before the CSI team gets here. Janet hates to see you on her scenes.

The camera shows JANET BOOK walking in the room, she was one of the top CSI members and leader, she always came at the scene before Max left and heard rumors he was a psychic.

JANET
Well, if it isn't the psychic.

MAX
I was just leaving.

JANET
(looking at him)
I'm sure.

INT.M.H.P.D. (METRO POLICE DEPARTMENT) - Max's Office

TITLE: 9:30pm

The camera zooms in on MAX sat at his desk as he wrote down his report.

The camera shows Lieutenant RACHEL SANCHEZ walking in, she was in charge of him and also worried about his health. Mental and physical.

RACHEL
Hey, Max. How's it going?

MAX
(looking at RACHEL with a smile)
Very well, my Spanish fly. How about you? Still want that drink?

RACHEL
(chuckling)
Maybe some other time. What'd you get on the case?

MAX
Nothing too much. Just a shadow...male. Tall and very athletic.

RACHEL
You couldn't see anything else?

MAX
Nothing. But, his eyes...I think they were brown. He looked to be in his mid-30s...clean shaved. Hair may have been dark brown or black. I couldn't tell.

RACHEL
I'll see what I can get...in the meantime get some rest and you can look at the body later at the morgue where Dr. Hansen will be waiting for you. She loves your...insight. She'll keep the body fresh for you she said.

MAX
(chuckling)
Thanks. Tell my favorite Goth I'll be there.

RACHEL
No problem. By the way...are you still doing okay?

MAX
A little. Having Rebecca's photo with me helps...a lot. She might be with me, maybe that's how I got my gift.

RACHEL
I hope so. Goodnight, Max.

As RACHEL left the office MAX wrote his report and sighed deeply as he looked at REBECCA's photo.

INT.METRO HEIGHTS - CITY MORGUE

TITLE: 11pm

The camera shows MAX walking inside the morgue and walking over to VALERIE DAWSON, a young and very attractive woman with dark black hair, blue eyes and lots of dark lining around her eyes.

VALERIE
(looking at MAX)
I was wondering when you'd show up. Coming to talk to your victim?

MAX walked over to the body on the metal bed.

MAX
Who was she?

VALERIE
Her name was Lily...that's all I got. She was a stripper at the X-Club downtown. My favorite club is the The Factor, but...sometimes on good nights the X-Club has some good shows.

MAX
(looked at Valerie)
Can we just get on with the investigation?

VALERIE
Right...well, Lily was seeing a lot of guys when she was at the club. I got a diary from her backpack retrieved from the crime scene. She was into BDSM and S&M stuff. Ya know, bondage, slave and master...

MAX
I got it, Val. Just continue.

VALERIE
Okay...anyways, Lily was a very popular girl among the guys at the club and was always being asked for 'favors' if you get what I mean.

MAX
I do. But, what is with the symbols on her forehead and stomach?

VALERIE
Well, the star is a pentagram. Mostly used in Pagan rituals, never ending in death...only someone who was a true Pagan or Wiccan would write this as a symbol, but never carve it. This guy did an insult...the cross is a no brainier. Ever read the Witch Hunts?

MAX
Good point. So, he thought she was a witch just because she was into this kind of thing?

VALERIE
The killer is too into old rituals and is probably stuck in the 17th century or 12th. One of them...very religious guy. Possibly a zealot.

MAX
You really need to get out more.

VALERIE
I try.

INT.DARK APARTMENT ROOM

TITLE: 11:15pm

The camera zips inside a dark and creepy motel room where a MAN in a dark cloak kneels before a cross and prayed in Latin.

MAN
I have done your bidding, my Lord. I cause pain to those who sin, to those who defy you. I give myself to you now. I offer my serves to you.

The MAN then mutters a small prayer as he stands away from the cross and leaves his room.

INT.MAX's OFFICE

TITLE: 11:33pm

The camera shows MAX writing his reports down on his desk, then zips behind him showing TRAVIS standing there by his office door.

TRAVIS
Get some rest, Max. You look beat.

MAX
I guess you're right, Travis. I just...I can't rest when this guy is loose.

TRAVIS
We'll find him, don't worry about it. Go home and get some sleep...you're making Rachel nervous.

MAX
(chuckles lightly)
Alright.

INT.MAX'S APARTMENT

TITLE: 11:45pm

The camera shows MAX walking inside his apartment, he laid his keys on the kitchen counter, hung his coat on the rack by the door and headed for his answering machine.

MACHINE
(beeps)
You have one message.

WOMAN
(on machine)
Detective Anderson, I know about your gift and I know who you're killer is. Meet me at the Church Of St. Claire tomorrow morning at 10am. Ask for Sister Sarah. I'll be waiting.

The machine clicks off and MAX stood there with a puzzled look on his face. It seemed that his case was just starting.

TO BE CONTINUED

FADE OUT

[Wild Butterfly]

So...you've switched from prose to script?

If that's the case, is this meant to be a half-hour show? The format it's in, I can't really tell exactly how long it is, but I can see it doesn't seem long enough to be an hour show.

Also, if you're going to continue this, you'd need to a) write in the correct format, and b) use some kind of scriptwriting software.

And as with your prose version, I've already spotted a few grammar errors, and I've only skimmed it.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but not many people will read something that isn't formatted, and written correctly. I know this from experience, because a lot of my own work (mostly my prose) was atrocious.

However, positively, you seem to have a handle on your characters, and Max especially clearly has his own voice.

My advice is to not hurry this, and don't give up!

[comanderbg]

I like script better because it's easier for me. I also have an idea for you guys if you want me to post it. It's about a different series I created.